– It has to last for a whole month! My husband said you can survive on just pasta, so I’m going to… feed him exactly that.
– Why do you need so much pasta, Natalie? – my friend asked in surprise when she saw me put a huge promotional pack into my shopping cart.
– It has to last for a whole month! My husband said you can survive on just pasta, so I’m going to… feed him exactly that, – I replied cheerfully.
Ever since our little son was born, a lot had changed in our family. As banal as it sounds, everyday life had sunk our boat of love. Everything was different now. I had left my job, and since I had been working unofficially, there were no maternity payments. It hit our family budget hard, but my husband kept repeating one thing – we’ll manage!
Things only got worse. The child required more and more expenses, and my husband clearly wasn’t prepared for that.
– Sammy needs a spring jumpsuit. He’ll be too hot in the winter one very soon, – I started the conversation.
– Just buy it with the child benefit money. That’s what they give it to you for, – my husband suggested.
– I already used it to pay the rent this month, – I immediately “pleased” him with the news.
– Then learn to manage the budget properly! I need to buy spare parts for the car.
Such arguments began to arise more and more often. Andrew found it difficult to accept that now he was responsible not only for himself but for our entire family.
At one point I found a part-time job I could do from home. The work wasn’t difficult, but it required time. And with a small, restless baby, I didn’t always manage to clean or cook, but I had to keep spinning somehow.
My husband was unhappy again:
– You couldn’t make dinner all day? I come home from work hungry, and here everything is a mess…
– I had a lot of work, Sammy was restless all day, so I didn’t manage to do anything, – I tried to justify myself.
– Then manage your time so you can get everything done. You’re home all day! – Andrew replied angrily.
– Andrew, don’t you think I have to manage too much – money, time, and raising our son? You come home from work and your responsibilities end there, – I couldn’t hold back my emotions anymore.
Andrew put on his jacket and stormed out, slamming the door loudly. At that moment I felt very hurt. I really was trying to help my husband financially. Other young mothers will understand how hard it is to combine a baby, work, and household chores. But Andrew couldn’t understand that. He believed that since he worked and provided, everything else was on me.
Once I was talking with my friend Tanya, who also had a small child. I was very surprised that everything in their family was different. She even managed to visit beauty salons, take care of herself, and go out with friends.
– Tanya, forgive me, but how? You don’t work, so where do you find the time and money for yourself? I’m trying to earn just for the child and even that doesn’t work out, – I wondered.
– What is your husband for? – my friend replied, not hiding her surprise.
– My husband… He comes home from work, lies on the sofa, and that’s it – his mission is complete, – I told her sadly.
– Ah, so that’s how it is! Then let him pay for a nanny or a cleaner if he doesn’t want to help himself. My Victor plays with our daughter after work and on weekends, and I take care of my own things. We decided right away that our daughter is ours together, and we would share the effort of raising her equally. It won’t kill him to wash the dishes or vacuum.
– A nanny… You’re going too far! I’m thinking about where to get money for a summer stroller, and you’re talking about a nanny, – I understood how differently we lived.
– You’re too kind, Natalie! Then tell your husband to earn properly if he can’t help in any other way. That’s not my kind of character, – my friend declared.
Andrew never strived to earn more. His position as a manager in a sports goods store completely satisfied him. He had no desire for anything else and no special ambitions.
I used to think the phrase “the family boat crashed against everyday life” was just a cliché. But now I understand that it’s really true. Reality turned out to be sadder than expected. I had to quit my part-time job because my son started getting sick often and there was no time left for work. I had to ask my mum for money for my son’s medicine because I couldn’t count on my husband’s salary. The atmosphere in our family was tense. Andrew stayed at work later and later, and when he came home he went straight to bed.
– I need a winter jacket. The old one is impossible to wear anymore – it’s already six years old, – I told my husband one evening.
– Buy yourself a jacket, and then figure out how you’re going to spend money on food. Although you spend a lot anyway – maybe you’ll finally learn to save, – Andrew replied and buried himself in his phone.
– Fine, I’ll try to learn to save. I think I’ve earned the right to buy myself clothes once every six years! After all, I walk everywhere with our son in any weather, while you drive a car.
That month I did buy myself a nice jacket and couldn’t stop admiring it. As for food, I decided we would eat pasta. Why not? Since my husband said I didn’t know how to manage, I would learn.
On the third day, seeing the same pasta in the fridge again, my husband declared:
– Have you forgotten how to cook? Are we going to eat nothing but pasta every day now?
– We’ll eat what we can afford with the money we have, – I replied casually.
– Then you’re a terrible housewife! If you can’t plan properly…
– Sorry, Andrew, but I don’t know how to cook “porridge from an axe”! Eat what you earned. It’s about time you thought about finding a better job, – I finally told him everything I felt. – We have a son growing up. This is our shared responsibility. You knew I wouldn’t be able to work for several years until Sammy goes to kindergarten.
– What a wife I got! Other men have normal wives, but I got a nagging shrew!
When our son turned one, my mum agreed to watch him so I could go back to work. Finally I had my own money for myself and my son. It seemed life was starting to improve, and I hoped our family life would return to how it was before our son was born. But Andrew remained gloomy as before and hardly spent any time with me and our son. I even got used to it, thinking that everyone lives like this after a few years of marriage.
I realized that the family boat doesn’t crash against everyday life, but against people’s characters. Everyone goes through the difficulties of marriage and having children. Some overcome them, others don’t. Some have enough willpower and courage to take responsibility, while others just drift along, blaming everyone else. And what do you think, dear readers? Did I do the right thing, or should I have supported and inspired my husband more?
P.S. By the way, three years later my husband divorced me. By that time we had been living like neighbors for a couple of years, and he had found himself a mistress on the side. I, on the other hand, got a promotion at work. Now my son and I live well and don’t deny ourselves anything.
